I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
