Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
