The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
