sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
