he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Found the puke drawer
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
