Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
