I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Only a mothe r could love this liver
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
