Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
