i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
