This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize