Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
