I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
