Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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