I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
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After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
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Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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