okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
