If that was your dad, he is hot
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
