i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Randomize
