That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Randomize
