great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
