if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
