I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
