You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Dick very happy bro
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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