OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Randomize
