i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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