You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
