I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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