i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
