I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
