i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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