did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
