Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
