note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
