my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
