remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
