Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
