I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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