Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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