I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
