well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
