I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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