I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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