i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
