In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
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