plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
