I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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