I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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