can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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