Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
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