I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Randomize
