Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
How many fucks given?
0.12846
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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