I'll bet she douches with gravy.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
