1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
