can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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