is your mom at the bar?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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