are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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