She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
