textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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