she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Randomize
