it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
