I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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