Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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