U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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