he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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