I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
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keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
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His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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