was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
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He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
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I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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