Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
