I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
