you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
