god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
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