even my farts smell like vagina
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
