just tell him i said nine months
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
