I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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