Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
