Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
The Olympian is in my bed
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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