I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
