I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
