Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
These tits shall not be calmed
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
