The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
